ebonythebuttrocker on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/ebonythebuttrocker/art/I-m-so-Afraid-61906282ebonythebuttrocker

Deviation Actions

ebonythebuttrocker's avatar

I'm so Afraid....

Published:
1.3K Views

Description

)=
i sorta feel like this right now. lol. -shot- watch me try to laugh it off. XDDD Yukon's such a.... i cant even say it. the more time i spend near her i grow to dislike her more... -sighs- i'll get by i suppose.

Poor Rikyr!! he's all alone now... TT_TT When he gets brought back and Shaducon separates him and Kaine, Kaine leaving to live in a sorrowful recluse in his old, decaying castle and Rik stuck without any purpose in life and the knowledge that he has no family, having been originally only a conscious that formed while Kaine's own mind was slumbering... and now he has his own body at last, but without Kaine's expirience and all of Kaine's powers, Rikyr is left completely helpless. he has no powers, no vampiric strength... only his heart, and what or where did his heart ever get him? nothing but pain and rejection. nothing. he's given his life away, and now that it's been returned to him, he wishes he had been left dead--cause at least then he had felt like he accomplished something on his own, killing Kaine and saving his friends--but brought back, he finds he has no purpose. that and nobody is there to love him or take care of him-- Shaducon wants nothing to do with him, troubled enough by Aphe, Kai and Que, Lance has gone to finally pick up his life and take his responisiblities seriously and rule his father's kingdom... who knows where Storm or his sister Umi or the mare he loved but knew he could never have, Nel, are? Surely Umi had her mate's wishes at her top priority, and that most likely left him out... and........ since i'm going on as though i am Rik, why dont i just tell it from his perspective? lol.

It was rather dark out as the newly-liberated Rikyr wandered aimlessly along through the tall meadow grass. He contemplated his new existance, wondering what exactly he should do now. Where was he even? He paused, racking his brain. He had left the old scientist's home almost three days agp, and had been walking and thinking for quite a while. He only realized this by the fact that his stomach was growling quite angrilly at him, as though he had done it some wrong. What was wrong with him? Was he going to die? He had absolutely no craving for blood at all--in fact, the thought sickened him somewhat--
Oh, right... he wasnt a part of Kaine anymore... he didnt need to drink blood to survive. He was normal now, right? Completely and utterly mundane--he had no more power, he didnt have Kaine's strength any longer. All he had was his own mind and his own body--but nothing extrodinary. Not anymore.
Was that why Lance had suddenly decided thathe didnt need him anymore? Was that why he had left? Once they had learned that Rik had no powers anymore, all his old friends had looked baffled, disturbed at the thought of an ordinary Rikyr. Lance had appeared the most dissappointed, it had shown clearly on his darkened, handsome face. His violet eyes had clouded and he had adverted them, to stare off over into the distance, and then announced that, with Storm as his right-hand, he would go and pick up his responsibilities as Storm King over his farther's kingdom.
Storm himself had mearly looked thoughtful, somewhat puzzled, for a long time, but just before he and Lance were to leave, a look of understanding had seemed to pass over his face and then some brooding expression Rik could not recognize. He wondered, often, what sort of sagicious things rode on through Storm's mind. What sort of understandings and figurments...
Umi had mearly looked distant--Accordingly, Rikyr was no longer her brother, not completely. Kaine was Umi's brother--and Rikyr was mearly a counscious that had come from her brother's mind. He, in a way, was like some odd creation of her brother's body, so did that make him still her brother? Or could the situation be compared to a picture your brother drew--would you then call your brother's thought-up character your brother as well, or would you just look at it as a picture your brother had created? Rikyr, though he still retained some innocence, could not help but wonder if she still thought of him as brother or just another projection. Another victom of her true brother, Kaine.
And then.... Rikyr choked once. It almost hurt his heart when he brought Nel back to mind--her expression had appeared suddenly apathetic--suddenly she had not cared. He had no power? Then why should she stay near him? If he could be of no use to her, if she could learn nothing possibly destructive from him or if he could not vanquish her enemies when she could not, then why should she care? He had felt this, he had known, he had seen it in her eyes-- she had been disgusted with him.
With a painful gulp of air, he remembered how she had been-- he had thought, for a short time, that she loved him. Had she? Or had she loved Kaine, because of his power? Had she liked the feeling of protection that Kaine's prowress had been able to provide? Or, now that he would not be able to help her fight her sister, was he worthless to her? Had he ever meant anything, as a person, to her? Or had she been using him like some tool?
He shook his head, determined to clear his mind of these damaging thoughts. Surely not. Surely she had just been shocked. Perhaps she was trying to find him now, to come back--and say she didnt care what he could do, but it was his heart she loved and not his power. She had dissappeared the night before he himself had left Shaducon's hut, and no one had seen her go. Deep inside his heart, Rikyr feared for her-- her sister was always after her, and he didnt feel she was safe. Now, though, he doubted she would be any safer by his side now that he couldnt protect her, no matter how much he wished he could.
It was perhaps the worst feeling, not being able to protect the ones he loved anymore. It tore at his soul, and he couldnt stop the sobs anymore. He bent over, his shoulder shaking and his tattered wings--the wings which had been broken, only useable with Kaine's strength--trembled. his head dropped down near the ground, and tears ran down his nose to pool on the ground as he shook with sobs--the most he could do these days...



Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to
I'm so ashamed of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to get by

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
Untill I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to defy

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Hold me now I need to feel complete
Like I matter to the one I need

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all

Now I'm ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of this
Now I'm so ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of me...
Image size
831x728px 833.14 KB
© 2007 - 2024 ebonythebuttrocker
Comments58
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
adoniax's avatar
That's amazing - the art is done extremely well, and the potent emotion accompanies it well.